No more resentment: love must be celebrated!

“Are you a party animal?” The bright Englishman asked me amid a disturbingly beautiful evening atmosphere. Ahead of us is a panoramic view of the Basque coast, behind us the chilled electro sound of the surf bar. He’s probably asking, because I’ve been in Biarritz in southern France for a few days now and I’m enthusiastic about the local atmospheric nightlife. In my late thirties, I am about ten years older than him, and his question likely explains my supposedly youthful search for the pulse of the night. I think about it for a moment, because “party animal” sounds to me like drinking in a bucket and a Borat bathing suit. I can’t see myself there. I like when the dark shows things from a different perspective, the hustle and bustle, the auspicious mood, and I say yes if you like.

Since we only met that day in a surfing course, a little later she asks what my love is, if I have a boyfriend. “Yes,” I say, smiling broadly, give some basic details and finally explain, “It’s the love of my life.” Suddenly she looks at me as if I had slipped out a bucket of sangria in a Borat swimsuit and wants you to know how I feel because you already want to be sure? She obviously thinks I’m too old for parties, but too young for a love ending. And I understand what he means, after all such sentences are more familiar to us in the past tense. Often taken from movies and books, glorified as an overview of a life that is about to end, “Love for Life” always tells about an intense, mostly short-lived feeling of your own emotional world.

Karin Soderquist for the Berliner Zeitung

We prefer to love conditionally

To find this peak, of course, a final comparison is needed. So, does great love only appear in the summary? In 1903, the poet Rainer Maria Rilke gave courageous advice in a letter to the writer Franz Xaver Kappus: “Don’t look now for answers that cannot be given to you because you cannot live by them. And it’s about experiencing everything. Now live with the questions.

By claiming to wait for our end first, we only carelessly forgive ourselves the greatness of the moment. Overall, when it comes to love, we like to keep the ball flat. “Therefore, if you commit yourself forever, see if you can’t find something better” is the motto of a whole generation. Our society is driven by maximization, optimization, and the basic idea that the best is still ahead of us. Therefore, the explanation of my relationship status seems like premature ejaculation in terms of love. It’s also a bit dangerous to make love so important and declare without reservation that just thinking about that person makes you radiant, even after spending many years together. Because who knows, maybe the latter will turn out to be a malicious heartbreaker, then we do not want to easily pass the verbal trophy on the greatest love of all. The future is uncertain. We prefer to love conditionally.

This is what it sounds like when you ask people about their love affairs. The longer the relationship lasts, the shorter and cooler the responses to it. How we talk about love is also a symptom of how we live it. I know love is hard to describe. However, when the first sentences that come to mind about the person with whom I share my life are: “We are a tight team” or “We both go in the same direction”, the question arises whether we are talking about a Talk about a job advertisement or about to the person you would like to donate a kidney to, if in doubt.

Much sounds more like 2-star Google ratings than great feelings. Except when we’re in love again. In an abundance of feelings, a whole stream of love phrases is often poured out over the interlocutor. It is amazing how a new love can transfer even the most reserved mind into passionate speech. But as soon as the mind regains its upper hand, worship ends.

Berlin Publishing House

Karin Soderquist for the Berliner Zeitung

Anyone who wants love to grow must also invest verbally

If we expect our long-term relationships to be satisfying and happy, we must sustain love, or it will drown in everyday life. Then at some point you are a good team and work together, but you don’t even know why. If it is true that we create our world with language, why should we downplay it? Great feelings require big words.

In the linguistic debate about love, a long-term relationship in particular means a bland existence. As soon as we talk about them, the choice of words has as much sex appeal as a bread slicer: work, persistence, the ability to suffer – unfortunately it often sounds like a slogan to persevere with a boring diploma in business administration. Rather, we should concentrate on constantly sharpening our view of love, keeping an eye on the most important thing by making a pleasant change between wide angle and zoom: your loved one.

Especially in long-term relationships, snaps and pops always want to be animated. Articulating romantic feelings and wonderful moments can help. Who else should make love great, if not lovers themselves? The prevailing fear that you could carelessly waste your entire love budget at once does not matter here.

Investing well your emotional wealth and allowing it to grow steadily means loving. And for that you have to invest verbally. Of course, I realize that besides my boyfriend, there are other people who have nice hands or can cook a great carbonara, but I just want those hands to prepare pasta for me. Only then will it turn into the best spaghetti in the world, and a boring Monday evening with cream noodles will turn into a holiday. Because no matter what someone means to me, just feeling it is not enough. Love wants to be celebrated! As you know, we would be poor without them. Like language, it is inherent in humanity and distinguishes us from animals. One exception: party people.

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